Autograph hunting

Just to save you the trouble of asking, the West End Whingers don’t give autographs. Phil can barely write, for goodness sake.

It might appear a bit “grand”, but in fact it is principally for the benefit of our healths, a lesson apparently unheeded by eight-times-a-week Connie Fisher whose ailments – according to ALW himself – are partly the result of “signing autographs for 400 people out in the cold every night”.

You would think that with all the money they’re raking in they could have afforded to get her a thermal vest and an umbrella. But we digress.

We do not collect autographs either but were nevertheless intrigued to read the marvellously detailed page on TheatreMonkey which not only tells you which stars will readily sign autographs, but also names and shames those that won’t.

The list is compiled by reports from autograph hunters. In the “nice” corner are stars such as Serena McKellen, Christian Slater and – perhaps surprisingly – DMS. But we do wonder who on earth asked for Ruth Madoc‘s photograph; must have been for a bet or Comic Relief or something.

In the disappointingly meagre “nasty” corner (more please, TheatreMonkey) lurk Brendan Fraser and Gemma Jones (for opinion on that, re-read Ruth Madoc comment above).

TheatreMonkey also reports a backlash against “eBay autograph hunters”. Apparently actor David Warner has said he no longer signs autographs because the recipients just flog them on eBay (although possibly he no longer signs simply because no one asks him to – even his most committed fan seems to have lost interest).

Phil’s “X” is hardly cherishable nor, sadly, legible enough to earn squillions on eBay, but it does give the Whingers an idea and maybe we will review our policy and start badgering stars at stage doors after all. (Memo to selves: Can you still buy carbon paper?)

Phil – I’ve started work on a contraption which will sign 67 (the maximum that can be laid out along my kitchen units if I balance the Russell Hobbs on the Dualit) 8x10s at a single stroke when hooked up to a device strapped to my arm. I’ll let you know how it goes. – Andrew