Elephants for everyone! (except the Whingers and other “friends”)

Sunday 22 July 2007

Regular readers will know that although the Whingers are technically “friends” of the Donmar Warehouse, it’s a friendship pretty much in name only.

Now another row is brewing to test their relationship – and this time it’s a disagreement over elephants.

Of course, the main feature of being a friend of the Donmar is the abuse you have to endure to maintain your friendship.

Not wanting to rock the boat, the Whingers booked for the forthcoming Absurdia in March as instructed but now an email has arrived entreating Phil to “book by the 25 July and claim your very own elephant”.

So how come we didn’t get an elephant? With friends like the Donmar, who needs Harold Pinter?

While Andrew was sulking, Phil’s mind was working overtime on how this marketing technique might be extended to other West End Shows:

Fiddler on the Roof: Book by 25th July and claim your very own loft insulation.

Betrayal: Book by 25th July and claim your very own decree nisi.

The Last Confession: Book by 25th July and claim your very own kneepads.

The Little Shop of Horrors: Book by 25th July and claim your very own Fisons weed killer.

The Rose Tattoo: Book by 25th July and claim your very own ” I heart Nicholas Hytner” tattoo.

Gaslight: Book by 25th July and claim your very own dimmer switch.

Saint Joan: Book by 25th July and claim your very own toasting fork.

The 39 Steps: Book by 25th July and claim your very own Stannah Stairlift.

Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat: Book by 25th July tonight and appear in the production yourself. But only if you’re already a professional actor and already toured in the show.

Boeing Boeing: Book by midnight tonight and pay only the theatre taxes.

The Lord of the Rings: Book by 25th July and claim anything you want in the world. We’re desperate. You’ll probably be the only person in the theatre mind.

12 Responses to “Elephants for everyone! (except the Whingers and other “friends”)”


  1. …because Elvish has left the building!

    Sorry, I’d been saving that one up to use when its closure is announced.


  2. Ian, you probably wouldn’t have needed to wait very long. You could have held it. Shame to waste it here.

    Anyway, we bow to your aphorism and yet again, Ian, we BEG you to get a blog.

  3. alexf Says:

    unrelatedly, it’s good to see the mainstream has finally picked up on* the whingers’ sterling work on the subject of onstage foodstuffs.

    *in this case “finally picked up on” means “lazily and shamelessly ripped off”.

  4. alexf Says:

    oops, forgot to put the link

  5. Sean Says:

    Interesting. I did think that the salad in 5 Wives was so stupidly small, but loved the curry in Landsacpes!

    I’ve seen some food onstage this weekend, and in tribute to you, have done a blog entry on it!

  6. Chris Says:

    You should have received a voucher which you then exchange for your elephant at the box office. c

  7. tim Says:

    Several weeks ago, I booked 26 tickets for Absurdia.

    Does that entitle me to a whole herd of elephants ?


  8. @ Alex: Not to worry. We take it as a compliment and we got a link

    @ Sean: No link?

    @ Chris: I agree absolutely. We SHOULD get a voucher at the very least.

    @ Tim: Have you got room for them? “Be careful what you wish for”.

  9. Sean Says:

    Sorry!

    http://seaninthestalls.blogspot.com/2007/07/food-onstage.html

    Or just click on my name above this post, then scroll down (as I’m not sure if above will work).


  10. I am off to see Absurdia tonight and shall be on Elephant alert.
    (Yes I’m back…was away in Scotland)


  11. I should acknowledge here that an edited version of that blog entry has made Quote of the Fortnight in the latest issue of Theatre Record magazine, which also serves as a cue for me to ramble away on the editorial page about the role blogging is playing in cultural discourse now. And also to plug you chaps, I hope, rather nicely.


  12. Quote of entire fortnight????? We’re honoured Ian, thanks. Thanks for the plug – nicely done or otherwise.


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