GODSPELL ACCORDING TO ST ANDREW AND ST PHILIP
- And lo Stephen Schwartz and John-Michael Tebelak did begat Godspell. And Sasha Regan’s union with producer Regan De Wynter and director Michael Strassen did begat it full 40 years after.
- In the beginning there was darkness, but we shall hear the voice of God that soundeth in the likeness of Stephen Hawking, which is also the sound of a director hedging his bets. And there was light, a multitude of pretty laser pin point lights spinning whilst the players did lie on the ground as they learneth at drama school. And the Whingers saw the pointy light, that it was good.
- And in the beginning the musicians shall not be subdued but play too loudly, and thou shalt not heareth the words.
- And we did knoweth that Davis Brooks was John the Baptist as he did give the cast bed baths with a sponge.
- And he was very comely and Andrew did hope that Philip did not scatter his seed on stony ground again.
- And the creators of Les Misérables and A Chorus Line and Into the Woods did bring forth their lawyers for the extracts from their creations used. And Julie Walters too said, you made a character in my image, after my likeness of the waitress in Victoria Wood As Seen On TV.
- And in the First of the Acts came the two best songs “Pre-ee-ee-pare ye The Way of the Lord” and “Day By Day”. And the Whingers saw that they were good despite only having one line of words each.
- And the cast did move forth and did give life to every living thing from beast to plant bearing seed and they too were good.
- And thereof Philip did breath a sigh of relief that he saw not a clown’s nose, nor a pair of stripey trousers, nor a pair of braces which he came upon at the Hippodromos of Bristolium in AD 1972. But upon that visitation he did see Lesley, daughter of Joseph, Susie Blake and Jess Conrad, who they say is abundantly blessed.
- And Jesus did arrive on a moped (off-stage) and when He spoke a parable to certain people who were convinced of their own righteousness, and who despised all others, the Whingers did think he looketh at them.
- And when the interval came to pass, the Whingers did ask, “What is a Pharisee when it’s at home anyway” but no-one knew nor did they care.
- And God’s son was crucified, and the Whingers thought O Thank The Lord It Is Finished before they remembereth that He rose again. D’oh! And so lo, there was another song (We can build a) “Beautiful City”.
- And in the end the Whingers said thou hast resurrected a museum piece. And now we have visited your church we beseech you to bring forth Richard Dawkins.
- And in school they teacheth in lessons not to start sentences with “And”.
- And blessed are the poor because they knoweth not the burden of attending the theatre.
- And when it was all over, as they returneth back to the underground from whence they came, the Whingers did see a Big Issue seller and they did pass by on the other side.
- And the Whingers did think to sayeth unto the director: “You know your problem don’t you? You’re preaching to the unconverted.” But only after the event when it was too late.