The Whingers Are Coming! (to a theatre probably not very near you)

Monday 1 April 2013

Whingers are coming finalTwo years ago we threatened this might happen but rather scarily it has turned into a reality.

In 2011 the Whingers were inspired by The Thinking Drinker’s Guide to Alcohol in Edinburgh and jokingly suggested they might one day create their own show and bring it to the Fringe.

What began as a flippant remark, fuelled by some copious post-show drinking has now, after 18 months of arguing and hissy fits planning, been formed into what we think might constitute an emotionally charged entertainment. The clue to our show is in its current working title The Unthinking Drinker’s Guide to Theatre.

Our hopefully agreeable divertissement will be a raw and unyielding exploration of theatre as we reveal the secrets behind successful and unsuccessful theatre-going, challenging preconceptions through the arts of prestidigitation, plate-spinning, twerking and yodelling. All this as we uncompromisingly weave through the tapestry of our own lives and wrestle with issues of identity.

With the aid of audience participation we will help you navigate that precarious tightrope of decision between staying or leaving at the interval. We’ll raise pertinent questions on race, gender, the environment, TV-reality-show-based musicals and why actresses are now called actors unless they’re nominated for (or receiving) an award and how on earth Olivia Colman finds time to go to the toilet.

Elder Phil will edge you along the precipice between illusion and reality as he delves provocatively into the intricacies of consuming food on stage by, err, consuming food on stage (we had to have a slosh scene somewhere). Meanwhile Younger Andrew has promised to hone his mime skills to perform his favourite Shakespearean monologue, though not on Mondays or Tuesdays (or when he’s feeling a bit peaky) when an alternative Andrew will stand in.

We’ll be selling over-priced drinks from an on stage bar and have a pre-show announcement encouraging you to leave your phones turned on and tweet during the performance, which naturally will be interval-free, set in a dystopian future and performed on a site-specific park bench. And, if our budget stretches to it, balloons will be released, as metaphors, at the end.

And if you don’t feel disposed to ovate for us, we’ll play a disco medley or the National Anthem at our curtain call. One way or another either Whitney or Helen Mirren will get you on your feet.

Indeed, it’s an awful lot to pack in, so we are casting around for a director. If there’s a budding Trevor Nunn out there able to condense our current 3 and a half hours of material into a Fringe-friendly 55 minutes please don’t hesitate to get in touch.

Inspired by successful producers, we, of course, won’t be putting our own money where are big mouths are. So, if there’s any budding angels out there we now offer you this thrilling opportunity to invest. We’ve people to pay, don’t you know. Our PRs (Park Bench Marketing) are already on the case, though we’re hoping Bianca Jagger might like to offer her photographic talents and again do production shots for nothing.

Our venue will be small and our engagement limited, so we suggest you book as soon as tickets go on sale before we extend our run and ramp up the seat prices.

The Whingers will keep you updated on this once-in-a-lifetime theatrical extravaganza and Nectar cardholders advanced booking opportunities. Look out for our Deluxe VIP packages (which includes reserved Premium Seating, free over-sized glossy souvenir programme, glass of cava and post show Q and A with most of the cast).

For more details of our priority booking scheme which is available at four confusing, differently priced levels: Regular Understudy, Inconspicuous Toupée, Prompt Book and Priority Plus Chocolate Hobnobs click here.

Come to Edinburgh in August and see us saturating the streets with flyers. We expect them to look something like this.


11 Responses to “The Whingers Are Coming! (to a theatre probably not very near you)”

  1. Isobel Waters Says:

    how about coming to the Winnipeg Fringe?!

  2. Karen Barclay Says:

    I will definitely come & see the show! (are you living in terror of Lloyd Webber sending hecklers???).

  3. Karen Barclay Says:

    Reblogged this on Karen Barclay – Confabulous and commented:
    The Whingers have a show! Line up burned West End show producers! And start cheering Dames of the Realm!

  4. Sounds groundbreaking! I think the word Whingers should be in the title somewhere (brand recognition). Ask Katie Mitchell to join you on stage with a couple of video cameras and you’ll be well away.

  5. Gareth James Says:

    Surely you’re going to call it Whings Never Fly? May I be first in the queue to be Andrew on Tuesdays please? (I can’t be arsed to do Mondays either).

  6. David Cottis Says:

    Did Tim Walker really say that? The twerp.

  7. Karen Barclay Says:

    awwww. I want a show!

  8. Lord Sir Andrew Endless Revivals Says:

    Theatre is a serious art-form. Your theatrical squib will mock the hard-won efforts of several thousand Equity members at a time when few can afford a sense of humour. Disgraceful.

  9. ja Says:

    Can you really keep your hands in front of your faces for 90 minutes? That would be worth seeing.

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