Review – Noises Off, The Old Vic

“If we can just get through the play once tonight – for doors and sardines. That’s what it’s all about, doors and sardines. Getting on, getting off. Getting the sardines on, getting the sardines off. That’s farce. That’s – that’s the theatre. That’s life.” 

Continuing our January mopping up of the theatrical spills we’ve somehow previously missed…

Review – Polar Bears, Donmar Warehouse

Who knew that at one stage of its decomposition a corpse smells like parmesan cheese?

It’s enough to put the Whingers off their penne arrabiata.

But the Donmar‘s latest production, Polar Bears, the first stage play by acclaimed The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time author Mark Haddon, rather put them off something else altogether: going to the theatre.

Review – The Rivals, Southwark

A curse upon unreserved seating! A pox upon thine playhouse! The rivalry for seats bits of bench at the otherwise wonderful Southwark Playhouse‘s production of The Rivals last night proved more intense than anything the Whingers will ever see on a stage.

Were there a lot of Germans in the audience on Tuesday night? Ersatz beach towels in the form of scarves and coats were draped across swathes of seating. “I’m reserving five seats!” explained one woman, channelling Mrs Malaprop’s hauteur, but presumably she had lived here long enough to lose her accent and therefore break the habit.

The auditorium filled to capacity and then some more people arrived. The staff implored us: “Could you squeeze up a bit?” Er, no, we couldn’t actually. Even with Andrew’s newly gym-honed carcass and Phil’s buttocks clenched as tight as a fringe theatre’s budget there really wasn’t room for another. A gentleman was pushed onto the end of our row nonetheless and quite how he perched on one buttock for the not-far-short-of three hours we shall never know. I suppose we could have asked.